


Your Hands Protect The Flames From The Wild Winds Around You

by A_Tomb_With_A_View



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Actual underage drinking, Angst?, Asexual Bobby Wilson, Bobby just wants to be loved, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Not just me being European with a widely American audience, OT4, Reggie has fibromyalgia (referenced), Requited Unrequited Love, i think, please don’t read too much into the projection, so much miscommunication, there’s a happy ending idk how angsty it is, this one hurt a bit, tw: underage drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28671366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Tomb_With_A_View/pseuds/A_Tomb_With_A_View
Summary: The first time that Bobby realised that the weird feeling in his stomach whenever he looked at his boys was love, he was fourteen and so far into his dad’s secret bottle of vodka that he couldn’t quite parse out the text Alex had sent to the group chat following Bobby’s rambling essay explaining why he thought he might be ace that just said “I love you”, even though he’d reread it so many times since it had arrived at midnight that Bobby could probably write songs that near-rivalled Luke’s about the way the pixels fit together
Relationships: Alex & Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Carrie & Flynn & Julie & Luke & Nick & Reggie, Alex Mercer/Reggie Peters (Julie and The Phantoms), Bobby | Trevor Wilson & Carrie Wilson, Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Alex Mercer, Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Alex Mercer/Luke Patterson/Reggie Peters, Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Luke Patterson, Bobby | Trevor Wilson/Reggie Peters
Comments: 36
Kudos: 172





	Your Hands Protect The Flames From The Wild Winds Around You

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Say a Little Prayer For You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28231242) by [MadameCristal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameCristal/pseuds/MadameCristal). 



> Hi kiddos! Please don’t read too much into this I do not wish to be ✨perceived✨But anyways have ot4 vs communication again because apparently that’s what’s in this week   
> Tonight I’ll be back on my regularly scheduled bullshit with the hs chapter and I have some actual willex planned for this week bc I miss willie   
> Enjoy!

The first time that Bobby realised that the weird feeling in his stomach whenever he looked at his boys was love, he was fourteen and so far into his dad’s secret bottle of vodka that he couldn’t quite parse out the text Alex had sent to the group chat following Bobby’s rambling essay explaining why he thought he might be ace that just said “I love you”, even though he’d reread it so many times since it had arrived at midnight that Bobby could probably write songs that near-rivalled Luke’s about the way the pixels fit together. 

Sure, the vodka was burning in his throat a little too much for anything to make sense, but it flooded his mental defences and swept past every insistence that he wasn’t stupid enough to fall for three guys who needed him so little, even if he had been stupid enough to make friends with them, so when the thought absently occurred to him that  _ of course, this is love,  _ he didn’t have the faculties to refute it.

He did when he woke up at three in the afternoon with to his stomach roiling and the world spinning, but by that point, it had permeated through every part of his consciousness, and his mom may not have been anything like Alex’s parents, but she’d taught him the Bible proper, and when they’d reached Peter’s denials, she’d touched his heart gently.

“Your love is like Jesus, baby,” she’d said, eyes huge and sincere like they always were in his memories, even though she hadn’t looked at him like that in years. He didn’t know anymore whether the expression was even true, or whether he’d fabricated it so he could look back a little more fondly. “You can deny it for survival all you like, but it’ll kill you a little bit each time, and once you’ve lost it you’ll spend the rest of your life wishing you’d screamed it from the rooftops.” 

So he hadn’t admitted it, but he’d not denied it either, he’d just tucked it behind his ribs to take out and dissect from time to time, and sometimes he added things to it, like the way Reggie’s lips tasted when they were fifteen and he was too many strawberry daiquiris in to register Bobby’s panicked expression when Alex had lazily dared him to kiss the prettiest person in the room. It felt a little like being mocked when Reggie turned to him, what with Alex lounging in the armchair and handing out orders like some divine king, hair glinting in the early evening sunlight, and Luke watching them all, subdued by the lager he’d been nursing, gaze heavy in a way that made Bobby feel trapped, but his only other option was to push Reggie away and watch his face crumple with hurt while his eyes went glassy and distinctly green with tears, so he bore it, and they never spoke of it again. 

The first time that Bobby realised that the weird feeling in his chest whenever he looked at his boys was heartbreak, he was sixteen and riding his bike so fast to the garage after soccer that he felt like flying because his English teacher had given him a perfect score on the essay he’d written about Macbeth, and he arrived just in time to watch Alex reel Reggie into a kiss with such ease and familiarity that Bobby knew instantly that this, whatever it was, had been happening for a while, and he’d crashed to earth shedding feathers, his shoulders scorched by molten wax.

He managed to pull his bike into a sharp U-turn in a cul-de-sac without being noticed or falling off his bike, and sent a quick, curt message to say he wouldn’t be able to make it. The night wasn’t productive exactly, he didn’t manage to finish any homework, or come up with a decent excuse to placate Luke with, but he had hours to stare at the stupid glow-in-the-dark stars that Luke had painstakingly stuck to his ceiling and re-examine the pulsing ache at the base of his throat, allowed himself the brief luxury of acknowledging what he’d always known: he was in love with three boys who loved each other, and he was in love with the way they loved each other, and he was never going to be enough like any of them to make it onto the list of people to be loved. 

He thought about mentioning his essay when Reggie excitedly brandished his new college-level calculus textbook at them a week later, but he couldn’t think about it without being blinded by Alex’s hand on Reggie’s waist and Reggie tilting up to meet him without hesitation, and how carefully separate they all were now, so he shoved it down. 

The next one hundred wasn’t as exciting, and it didn’t feel like a big enough deal to mention, so he filed it away when he got home and made sure to put a little extra time into studying the sheet music he’d crafted with Luke, because if he couldn’t be loved he could be useful, and even if Luke wasn’t clapping him on the shoulder to pull him into a kiss, he’d still smile like Bobby was worth something, and that would be enough. 

——

He kept waiting and waiting and waiting for someone to tell him, for them to just burst the fucking bubble and  _ tell  _ him, but they didn’t, even as Luke joined the fold with gentle touches and gentle glances and cut off conversations. 

He withdrew slowly, in little sections. 

It started with the touching, because it was the easiest to maintain, once he’d gotten going. 

Seeing how much easier they moved once he was no longer inserting himself into the middle of everything was hard, sure, but he loved them in a way that did not demand requit, just their happiness, and Willie was always tugging him into hugs and grabbing his hand and leaning against him, so it wasn’t like he was touch starved. 

Noticing that they played better when he stopped shoving himself into their space to jam with them… well, it hurt, but if he was going to throw away college for this, the important part was the music and its quality, not how lonely his side of the stage felt, and getting to play with them was a gift in itself. He may be separate, but Luke’s music would make them immortal, and an eternity alone but remembered as one of them was better than any alternative with someone else. 

He knew it was stupid, to resign himself to watching from afar at the ripe old age of seventeen and eight months, but he’d not applied to college because they’d been offered a record deal, and that meant  _ years _ by their sides. Even if he made an effort to branch out and find his own person, they’d never be able to look past how stupidly fond Julie always said he looked when Reggie tripped over something incredibly obvious, or how - according to Flynn, who could and did outdrink him two shots to one - he waxed lyrical about Alex’s hair after attempting tequila slammers, or how, in Willie’s words, he stared at Luke like he hung the moon from time to time. He didn't even mind, not really. He didn’t love easy, and he’s never been too fussed about it. He had their circle - Julie, Flynn, Carrie, Willie, Nick, the boys - and even though each of them had other circles of friends, people they go for nights out with and people they sit with some days at lunch, and people they have study sessions with, he didn’t, and he’d never wanted to. He loved each of them exactly as much as he’s able, and he only had so much of it to give. 

He didn’t pull away too far - this wasn’t to hurt them, it was just a little self preservation - or, at least he didn’t mean to, anyways. 

He still went to practice, and he still nodded at Alex and Reggie onstage, and he still sat at their lunch table, and went to band bonding nights, and he didn’t ask any of them to move out of his garage, and he didn’t ignore them, he just… well, he didn’t make suggestions about song lyrics and tempo, and he didn’t move closer to jam with them or share a mic with Luke, or sit less than one person apart from them because pressing thigh to thigh really just wasn’t going to help, and he didn’t really contribute anything to bonding nights, not that he’d ever had many bright plans for it, or sleep in the garage anymore, because the boys had had so much taken from them, and the least he could try to give them back was space, and privacy, and time. 

It was just… they smiled more, now that he wasn’t so involved. They never explicitly said anything, or at least, not while Bobby was there, but they stopped being so obviously apart, and instead relaxed into being together. They were still a little stiff during band bonding, and sometimes when one of them looked at him their smile would drop a bit, but Willie had insisted that he was being stupid, and he didn’t want to find out how much he’d get berated for dropping out of the band altogether, so he still showed up, even if he just scrolled through Instagram when they weren’t actually doing something he was needed for. 

Having all their attention focused on him became something to be scared of, instead of something to seek out, not because they scared him, but because there were only two options: 

  1. They noticed what was going on and asked him about it and he had to try and explain why he’d decided that was the way to go
  2. They didn’t notice at all



And honestly he’d lost sight of which was worse. The latter was the goal, but he’d always thought that they loved him at least a little, and he wasn’t trying to prove himself wrong on that front, and the former was… not ideal, to say the last. He didn’t mean to talk less, either, but the idea of potentially drawing attention to himself steadily became more and more intimidating, until he’d accidentally relegated himself to one liners and sarcastic comments. 

He just showed up, plucked some strings, made a couple funny jokes, left, and texted Willie or Julie, or had hot chocolate at one am with Carrie, like they’d done when they were little. 

It wasn’t too bad. 

——

“I’m gonna ask him, today.” Reggie’s voice floated through the open garage door and into Bobby’s kitchen. Bobby was due in practice in a minute, but he didn’t see the point in showing up any earlier than they needed him to. “We’ve let this go on too long.”

Alex made a sound of protest. “If he’s not ready to come to us, we could make things worse, Reg.” 

“No, Reg is right, Al,” Luke said. “It’s been months. If he’s not ready to tell us, then he needs to square up and just say that. This isn’t… this isn’t fair on us.” 

Bobby hovered by the doorway for another minute, but nothing else was said, so he cleared his throat and poked his head in. “You guys ready for me?” 

Alex looked pained, but he nodded. “Always, Bobbit, you don’t gotta ask. Can we talk to you for a minute, first?” 

Oh, so that had been about him. He absently wondered if this was where they kicked him out of the band, or told him he was invading their space a bit too much, still, as he took a seat on the floor, knees hugged to his chest. “What’s the problem?” 

Instead of sitting plastered against Alex like he usually did, Luke dropped down next to Bobby, wrapping an arm around him tentatively. “We just wanna know what’s been goin’ on with you, man. Alex says we should leave it, so we don’t make it worse, but you’ve been so… we’ve just missed you, lately.” 

Bobby tried not to visibly react to the way the weight of Luke’s arm on his shoulders was crushing down on him. “I've been right here?” He said helplessly, glancing between the three of them. “I just wanted to give you guys some space, for your relationship, and all.” 

Reggie blinked. “What relationship?” 

“Don’t - I’m not fucking stupid, Reg,” Bobby recoiled into himself, heart clambering up his throat. “You ‘n Al have been kissing since the end of freshman year, and I’m not blind. You guys are all…” he waved a hand around vaguely. “I just wanted to give you some space to settle into it.” 

Alex raised both eyebrows. “‘Me and Reg kissed, like, twice, as an experimental thing. Reg isn’t - he’s not..” his cheeks turned red. “Besides the point. Why didn’t you just talk to us about it?” 

“Yeah, Bobert,” Luke pulled him closer. “Did you think we were hiding it from you?” When Bobby didn’t say anything, just shrugged, he made a wounded sound. “Bobby…” 

“Hey, it’s fine.” Bobby hugged his knees closer. “I mean, if you’re not together then you need to do some serious self-evaluations because,  _ hello,  _ but it’s cool. We ready for practice?” 

“Nuh-uh.” Reggie shook his head. “You absolutely cannot drop that on us and then move on. Why would. I mean… why would you think it would just be the three of us?” 

Bobby tried not to let his head snap up too quickly, but his cheeks were burning and his eyes were wide so it probably didn’t matter anyway. “What?” 

Reggie shrugged, pressing into Alex’s side in a way that looked like it would be killing his ribs, but Reggie was always compromising pain for skin-to-skin contact, so Bobby didn’t mention it. “We’ve never done anything as individual groups. I don’t see why we’d exclude you from this?” 

“Because you…” Bobby blinked rapidly, not even entirely sure himself if he was trying to hold back tears of having everything he wanted dangled right in front of him, or if he was just really confused. “Because you’re not in love with me? I feel like that’s a big part of these things? Especially since you’re all in love with each other, it would be pretty unbalanced if you just decided to add me to that for the band’s sake” 

“Says who?” Luke asked, tone defensive. 

“I - what?” 

“Who says we aren’t in love with you?” Reggie explained. “I mean, none of you are good at picking up hints, but c’mon, Bertie, I had some hope for you.” 

Bobby snorted. “I’m pretty sure I would’ve noticed if you were in love with me, Reg, you three are the least subtle people on the planet.” 

Reggie rolled his eyes and awkwardly clambered off the sofa, shuffling forward until he was knelt in front of Bobby. “I have kissed you on  _ many  _ separate occasions, you moron.” 

“Luke or Alex dared you to on at least ninety percent of those occasions,” Bobby protested, eyes darting back to Alex, who was still red, and then to Luke, who looked nonplussed. 

“Yeah, because we look fucking great together,” Reggie agreed. “Duh. Besides, you never even talk to us anymore, how would you know who we do and don’t like?” 

Bobby raised both eyebrows, deciding just to bite the bullet. If they were making fun of him, sure, they’d probably never speak to him again after this, but if they were making fun of him, he’d probably be okay with that. “Uh, because I’ve been in love with you since I was, like, fourteen?” 

Alex’s expression crumpled, and moments later he’d joined them on the floor, crading Bobby’s jaw with one hand. “You said you were trying to give us space. You… you thought we were together and hadn’t told you and you’d decided we didn’t want you, so you needed to pull back, didn’t you?” 

“I’m not - I didn’t. I wasn’t trying to hurt anybody,” Bobby promised, training his eyes on a chocolate bar wrapper under the couch. “I just didn’t want to get in the way of anything.” 

“You would  _ never  _ get in the way with us,” Luke promised, pulled him closer until he could press a kiss to his forehead. “Okay?” 

Bobby nodded a little. “Okay.” 

“So… what now?” Reggie asked, shrinking back a little when Alex and Luke both glared at him. “No one else is curious about what we do now that we’ve acknowledged that we’re all very into each other? Because guys, we could have been kissing  _ all  _ the time. For years!” 

Luke made a considering face. “That’s… yeah, actually, you’re right. C’mere, dork.” 

Alex cleared his throat. “Absolutely not, Bobby gets first kisses.” 

“Reggie’s kissed everyone but me,” Luke protested, even though he didn’t look too put off by it when Alex didn’t let up. “Ugh, fine.” 

“Hey, you can kiss Bobby first,” Reggie suggested. “I have had the most kisses, that’s a valid point.” 

“Damn right,” Luke muttered, grinning anyway as he leaned in to kiss Bobby. 

Distantly, somewhere way too far away for it to actually matter, Bobby heard Reggie speak to Alex. “I suddenly understand on a whole new level why you dared us to kiss so many times.”

——

Hours later, when they’d had actual, long conversations about the intricacies of four people dating and how they’d tell their friends and a million other tiny little things, and Bobby was sat on the kitchen table, hot chocolate in hand and Carrie sat next to him, it actually hit him a little.

“I’ve got three boyfriends,” he said suddenly, interrupting Carrie’s rant about how Kayla had worn her hoodie last week and it was the cutest thing ever. 

Carrie blinked, visibly shifting train of thought. “Yeah? You told me about this an hour ago.”

“No, no, Care.” He leaned forward, grinning breaking through against his will. “I went into the garage thinking they were gonna, I don’t know, ask me to leave the band, and now I have  _ three boyfriends.  _ God, baby fourteen year old me would be  _ dying.”  _

“You’re still, like, five, on the inside,” Carrie informed him, but leaned against him. “I’m happy for you, but if they hurt you beyond the normal relationship-y fallout stuff, you can’t stop me from killing them.”

“If I have to see the bodies, I’ll be mad,” he conceded. “But they’ve been living in our garage on and off for a year, you’ve accidentally called them your brothers like three times. You call Luke  _ before  _ you call me when you get drunk and need picking up.” 

Carrie pulled a face. “And? I’ll still kill him. They’re my brothers, sure, but you’re my best friend. You always have been.” After a pause, she wrinkled her nose. “If you repeat that to anyone, I’ll break your arm.”

“Aw, I love you too,” he teased. “As if I’d repeat that, though, as long as you don’t tell anyone I’m having a “moment” over my newly existent love life. We have a reputation, remember?” 

Carrie nodded solemnly. “Watch-The-World-Burn Wilsons.”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> (Creds for the last line to MadameCrystal, watch the world burns Wilson is from her fic which is the one that I’ve listed as inspiring this fic) 
> 
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated if you enjoyed!


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